HKB
important to tell you. But you must promise me dirst that you will tear up my letter directly you have read it. Otherwise please send it back to me unread.
Just fancy. Here in B. there is a young married woman living with her mother and her cousin, a girl who is studying medicine; they are Poles and I have always had an enthusiastic admiration for the Poles. The young wife has got a divorce from her husband, for she was infected by him on the wedding night. Of course you remember what being infected is. But really it is something quite different from what we imagined. Because of that she got a frightful eruption all over her body and her face, and most likely all her hair will fall out; is it not frightful? Her cousin, the medical student, who is apparently very poor, is there to nurse her. Our servant Rosa told me about it, she heard of it from the housemaid where they have rooms. As you know, one can’t talk to Lizzi about anything of that kind, and so I did not learn any more; but the other day, when I went to buy some picture postcards, I met the three ladies. The young wife was wearing a very thick veil, so that one could see nothing. They were sitting on a bench in the garden in front of their house, and I bowed in passing, on the way back. They bowed, and smiled in a friendly way. In the afternoon I had to lie down, for I was feeling very bad because of . . . .!! Then I suddenly heard some people talking on the veranda just outside my window--the veranda runs all round the house. At first I saw shadows passing, and then they sat down outside. I recognised the soft voice of the Polish student directly, and I heard her say to the wife of the mayor of J.: “Yes, my unfortunate cousin’s experience has been a terrible one; that is because people sell girls like merchandise, without asking them, and without their having the least idea what they are in for.” I got up at once and sat down close to the window behind the curtain so that I could hear everything. The mayor’s wife said: “Yes, it’s horrible what one has to go through when one is married. My husband is not one of that sort but -- -- --” And then I could not understand what she went on to say I overheard this conversation on Thursday. But that’s not all I have to tell you. Of course my first thought was, if only I could have a talk with her; for she spoke about enlightenment and although we are both of us already very much enlightened, still, as a medical student, she must know a great deal more than we do, so that we can learn from her. And since she said that girls ought not to be allowed to run blindly into marriage, I thought she would probably tell me a little if I went cautiously to work. There was a word which she and the mayor’s wife used more than once, segsual and I don’t know what it means, and I’m sure you don’t know either, darling Rita. She said something about segsual intimacies*; of course when people talk about *intimacies, one knows it has a meaning, but what on earth does segsual mean? It must mean something, since it is used with intimacy. Well, let me get on. On Saturday there was a party, and the medical student came, and I left my Alpine Songs lying on the piano, and somebody picked it up and turned over the pages, and the word went round that the person to whom it belonged must sing something. At first I did not let on, but went out for a moment, and then came back saying: “I’m looking for my music book, I left it lying about somewhere.” There was a general shout, and everyone said: “We’ve agreed that the person to whom that book belongs has got to sing.” Now I knew that Fraulein Karwinska had accompanied the singing on such evenings before. So I said: “I shall be delighted to sing, provided Fraulein K. will accompany me, For you gentlemen play too loud for my voice.” Great laughter, but I had got what I wanted. We were introduced, and I thought to myself: You will soon improve the acquaintance. On Sunday for once in a way I got up quite early, at half past 6, for Fraulein K. can only go out walking early in the morning since she spends the whole day with her cousin. She sits near the Luisenquelle, so I went there with a book, and as soon as she came I jumped up, said “good-morning,” and went on: “I’m afraid I’ve taken possession of your bench.” “Not at all,” she said, “Do you study on Sundays?” “Oh no, this is only light reading,” I answered, and I made haste to sit on the book, for in my hurry I had not noticed what it was. But luck was with me. She sat down beside me and said: “What is it you are reading that you hide so anxiously? I suppose it’s something that your mother must not know about.” “Oh no,” said I, “we have not brought any such books to the country with us.” “I take it that means that you do manage to get them when you are in town?” “Goodness me, one must try and learn a little about life; and since no one will ever tell one anything, one looks about for oneself to see if one can find anything in a book.” “In the encyclopedia, I suppose?” “No, that’s no good, for one can’t always find the truth there.” She burst out laughing and said: “What sort of truth do you want?” “I think you can imagine very well what sort of things I want to know.” Of course one can speak more plainly to a medical student than one can to other girls, and she was not in the least disgusted or angry but said: “Yes, it’s the same struggle everywhere.” Then I made use of your favourite phrase and said: “Struggle, what do you mean? What I really want to know about is being infected.” Then she flushed up and said: “Who’s been talking to you about that? It seems to me that the whole town is chattering about my unhappy cousin. You must see that I can’t tell you that.” But I answered: “If you don’t, who will? You study medicine, and are seeing and talking about such things all day.” “No, no, my dear child (you can imagine how furious that made me), you are still much too young for that sort of thing.” What do you think of that, we are too young at 14 1/2, it’s utterly absurd. I expect that really her studies have not gone very far, and she would not admit it. Anyhow, I stood up, and said: “I must not disturb you any longer,” and bowed and went away; but I thought to myself: “A fig for her and her studies; fine sort of a doctor she‘ll make!” What do you think about it all? We shall still have to trust to the encyclopedia, and after all a lot of what we can learn there is all right, and luckily we know most things except the word segsual. Next winter I expect we shall find it easier than we used to to get to the bookcase in your house. I don’t bow to the silly idiot any more.