rend my soul asunder; Neither is there salvation in any other; for there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved. Acts iv. 12.
- Now the most free, and full and gracious words of the gospel, were the greatest torment to me; yea, nothing so afflicted me, as the thoughts of Jesus Christ, the remembrance of a Saviour; because I had cast Him off, brought forth the villany of my sin, and my loss by it, to mind; nothing did twinge my conscience like this: every time that I thought of the Lord Jesus, of His grace, love, goodness, kindness, gentleness, meekness, death, blood, promises, and blessed exhortations, comforts, and consolations, it went to my soul like a sword; for still unto these my considerations of the Lord Jesus, these thoughts would make place for themselves in my heart: Aye, this is the Jesus, the loving Saviour,
the Son of God, Whom you have parted with, Whom you have slighted,
despised, and abused. This is the only Saviour, the only
Redeemer*, the only One that could so love sinners, as to wash them from their sins in His own most precious blood; but you have no part nor lot in this Jesus: you have put Him from you; you have said in your heart, Let Him go, if He will. Now, therefore, you are severed from Him; you have severed yourself from Him: behold then His goodness, *but yourself to be no partaker of it. Oh! thought I, what have I lost, what have I parted with! What has disinherited my poor soul! Oh! ’tis sad to be destroyed by the grace and mercy of God; to have the Lamb, the Saviour, turn lion and destroyer. Rev. vi. I also trembled, as I have said, at the sight of the saints of God, especially at those that greatly loved Him, and that made it their business to walk continually with Him in this world; for they did, both in their words, their carriages, and all their expressions of tenderness and fear to sin against their precious Saviour, condemn, lay guilt upon, and also add continual affliction and shame upon my soul. The dread of them was upon me*, *and I trembled at God’s Samuels. 1 Sam. xvi. 4.
HKB